Casandra Barnes - The Blooming Yogini
"There is no need of any competition with anybody.
With that being said, i've been stuck on tripod prep for a while now. My fear of falling over and breaking my neck apparently trumps my feet going up in the air. But the other night, i was determined. First i started with a very cushy pillow nearby in case I fell over. And i did, and i scared myself shitless. But then i laughed, like a child i laughed, because even though i fell, lo and behold i was amazingly still alive.
You see as a kid, i took dance lessons, i rode bikes, i roller skated, i went horseback riding, i skateboarded, i played in dirt, i had a pretty great childhood, but my mother would *freak*out* about somersaults. So i didn't do somersaults, or anything else that my neck may be at risk.
Now here i am at 34, I have driven fast cars, i have sang in front of hundreds of people and loved every minute of it, i have jumped out of a perfectly good airplane, I water ski, i have definitely tried things that are questionable to the fact that I am still alive now.
But at night, when I am home all snuggled on my couch with my love and the pets, i find myself wanting to do somersaults across the living room floor, but too afraid to do it.
So there is this recent opportunity that has shown up in my life and i am excited and scared about it all at the same time, because, well what if i am no good at it? What if everyone is better than I am?
So i told myself last night, that if i continued practicing, if i dropped some fear, if i loved it as much as i say love it and feel i love it and believe i love it, that i would try with all my might, i would try. And if i succeeded...I could allow myself to move on to the next step.
After i practiced with the huge cushy pillow in the living room, i took my determined ass to my makeshift yoga room. I put on my Pandora© Buddha Bar station and told myself,
SELF... be the headstand, love the headstand, you ARE strong enough.
I got into tripod prep, my knees on my triceps, and with all my might and my abs, because let's not beat around that bush, your core is doing most of the work here. Up. they. went.
I was pretty excited, so excited i let my self back to the earth, ran to the window and yelled out to my boyfriend mowing the lawn "I did it!! I just did a headstand!!" I scared the young man walking down the street as he turned around and looked up at me like WTH lady? i yelled back that i was sorry, that I wasn't yelling to him, but hey "I DID A HEADSTAND", and then explained from the 2nd story window that my boyfriend had his earbuds in and couldn't hear me, yada, yada, blah, blah blah, he kept on walking.
The kid could of cared less. And doesn't that put things in further perspective... The only person i have to be better than, is myself from the day before.
Who am I competing with? What is a headstand going to prove?
But it's important to ME. It's a reminder that I AM and that IS good enough. And yes I cried after that headstand, because all those times in my life that it was said and i believed that I could not and would not, well I just did. And that stinkin thinkin, while upside down, shattered a little bit and made some room for a little more love and respect for myself. I realized I have a lot to offer that no one else could...me, myself, and that IS more than enough.
Couldn't we all use a little bit more love and trust in ourselves? What do you need to do, to clear out some untruths and make room for more love in your life?
Imagine the possibilities.
We are all works in progress, my hope is that we may all bloom to our full potential, to be our radiant selves, so that our light may brighten others.
A Blooming Yogini is someone on a journey to their authentic self, a union of mind, body and spirit to a more healthy, thriving , and vibrant you.
Live. Love. Bloom.